Chrome Domes

I go to church nearly every Sunday and consider myself a pretty religious fellow, although there are many out there that might question that fact. I will, however, admit that during that hour of Mass both my mind and eyes wander most of the time. I can’t help it, I’m a people watcher and I am not selective. I watch beautiful women, ugly people, young people, and old people. This past Sunday I spent the hour staring at bald people, all of them men. I saw naked domes that could reflect light, I saw receding hairlines, friar Tuck heads, heads with little patches, big patches, just about every exhibit of bare skin you can think of.

I switched my viewing and tried to find a bald woman. Couldn’t. I saw thin hair, overworked hair, but couldn’t find a bald women. Why are they so lucky? I never before gave it a thought, but seeing that sea of scalps I couldn’t help wondering why. I think it would be fun if we had a lot of bald women walking around. Can you just imagine it?

Well I set about that afternoon to find out why this was the case. You know you can find anything on the Internet these days. I started out by Googling “Male Pattern Baldness”. Low and behold, I got my answer right away along with a bunch of pictures showing every kind of bald heads you could imagine.

Well, it turns out that most men are genetically predisposed to male pattern baldness. It is the effect of hormones on the hair follicle that produces male pattern baldness. Testosterone, a hormone that is present in high levels in males after puberty, is converted to dihydrotestosterone (DHT) by an enzyme called 5-alpha reductase. DHT has an adverse affect on the hair follicles. Acting on a hormone receptor on the hair follicle it slows down hair production and produces weak, shorter hair, sometimes it stops hair growth from the follicle completely. This process gradually depletes your stock of hair and is normal hair loss.

Isn’t it ironic that the hormone that produces our virility and masculinity eventually turns us into a bald “Old Man”. I think I’ll get a Michael Jordon Or Shaq haircut, then no one will ever know.

Rhino's roaring again!

Does anyone else out there think that the number of commercials on television is getting ridiculous? When I can get out of my recliner, go upstairs, make a coffee, grab a snack and even take a leak and not miss any of the show I was watching, something is wrong. Are they giving away advertising time these days? With so many channels and so much air time, advertising prices must be ridiculously cheap. Are the networks using grocery chain store ploys, "Buy one get one Free"? And have you ever seen so many car ads, and drugs ads. I can't believe how many drugs there are that I have never even heard of. I firmly believe they develop the drug and then invent a disease for it.

The commercials really frost me. We pay dearly every month for cable, with prices going up on a regular basis and still have to watch so many. I think a half hour show is only about twenty minutes long. And heaven forbid that you have a sleepless night and want to occupy yourselve with a little tv watching.......hope you like thirty minute commercials ( infomercials ).

Then we have the whole High Def thing. How many people bought those beautiful flat screen sets expecting that super sharp, big picture. What a surprise, fork over a couple more sawbucks and you can have it or continue watching what you had by turning the picture into a small square. Of course you have the other option of stretching it out to fill the screen, adding about fifty pounds to the actors and knocking off a few inches off their height.

I of course could go into a little bitch about broadcasting important basketball and football games on channels only available on special expensive cable packages.

I only hope I'm not the only one that's a little p___ed at cable.

A NEW ENGLAND MORNING

Looked out the window to see how the world looks this morning. What a beautiful New England day……two or three inches of white stuff, rain coming down freezing on the trees and roads. How exciting! Now begins my serious pondering as to how the hell I’m going to get my trash barrel down my ski slope driveway for tomorrow’s collection. Amazing how we don’t think about things like driveway slopes when we’re young and looking to buy a house.

As I sat and contemplated all these important retired guys problems a serious question crossed my mind. Why the hell did my grandparents settle here in New England? What was the great attraction in Bondsville, that little hamlet near Chicopee, the little Poland of Massachusetts? Did you know why so many Polish people settled in Chicopee? When they entered the country they were actually headed to Chicago, another Polish stronghold. Many of the immigrants unfortunately mispronounced Chicago and ended up in Chicopee. Didn’t they teach geography in Poland? Didn’t they know anything about places like Savannah, Charleston, or Norfolk? If they had, I might have been on the PGA Tour with all the golf I could have played……just kidding, but seriously, you have to wonder what would have been if they settled somewhere else.

Oh well, no use dreaming, time to go outside and clear some of that New England sunshine that settled in my yard.